anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
