A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
