help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
