I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
