Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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