no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
