so that wasnt chicken after all
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
