Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
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No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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