She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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