He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
