I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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