he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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