Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
