do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
