I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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