bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
