Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
