I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
