Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Porn is love you can see.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
