Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
