It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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