So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
