i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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