apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
