you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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