Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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