as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
