Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
