Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
