I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
