I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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