She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
