i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
