Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
