I'm really into asian looking animals
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
