I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
