Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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