Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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