hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
