btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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