I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
