Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Found your dick twin last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
