Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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