did you get engaged???
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
