I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
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Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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