Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room

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  (310): tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room http://tfl.nu/5l09
  Replies (4) Good night (2361) Bad night (859)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person

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  (912): I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person http://tfl.nu/xc27
  Replies (25) Good night (8288) Bad night (708)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  where are my pants?

  (1-219): View more from Indiana

  you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm

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  (219): where are my pants? (1-219): you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm http://tfl.nu/h936
  Replies (14) Good night (4911) Bad night (742)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?

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  (302): do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships? http://tfl.nu/h1g6
  Replies (150) Good night (1792) Bad night (6065)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point

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  (515): the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point http://tfl.nu/syrq
  Replies (10) Good night (6412) Bad night (949)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.

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  (937): so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had. http://tfl.nu/vdqf
  Replies (8) Good night (1730) Bad night (4646)
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  (653): View more from

  I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.

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  (653): I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver. http://tfl.nu/za76
  Replies (7) Good night (1716) Bad night (982)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester

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  (830): Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester http://tfl.nu/187b
  Replies (5) Good night (2058) Bad night (961)
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  (661): View more from California

  Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.

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  (661): Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode. http://tfl.nu/t52r
  Replies (18) Good night (759) Bad night (1556)
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  (909): View more from California

  I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.

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  (909): I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic. http://tfl.nu/3gxu
  Replies (2) Good night (751) Bad night (1329)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.

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  (276): That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go. http://tfl.nu/61yn
  Replies (3) Good night (464) Bad night (1301)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.

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  (514): I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed. http://tfl.nu/63hq
  Replies (3) Good night (1510) Bad night (528)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Why are you there anyways?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist

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  (313): Why are you there anyways? (248): Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist http://tfl.nu/9tvc
  Replies (4) Good night (926) Bad night (424)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.

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  (978): damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder. http://tfl.nu/kxku
  Replies (2) Good night (263) Bad night (527)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.

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  (989): I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up. http://tfl.nu/5evh
  Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (228)

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