My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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