Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
