Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.

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  (703): I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one. http://tfl.nu/4drw
  Replies (2) Good night (704) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.

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  (248): i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid. http://tfl.nu/3rci
  Replies (3) Good night (650) Bad night (475)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing

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  (563): I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing http://tfl.nu/bqtp
  Replies (7) Good night (1484) Bad night (472)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.

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  (517): I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell. http://tfl.nu/ey83
  Replies (24) Good night (3453) Bad night (2680)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day

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  (817): Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day http://tfl.nu/cyg4
  Replies (16) Good night (864) Bad night (3556)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.

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  (606): I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel. http://tfl.nu/sip1
  Replies (41) Good night (3937) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick

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  (727): the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick http://tfl.nu/3g66
  Replies (10) Good night (5970) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack

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  (208): please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack http://tfl.nu/5yj9
  Replies (4) Good night (1104) Bad night (2187)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.

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  (504): Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone. http://tfl.nu/v2z6
  Replies (14) Good night (2938) Bad night (936)
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  (565): View more from

  It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.

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  (565): It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/u0lc
  Replies (14) Good night (2062) Bad night (806)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.

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  (615): I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza. http://tfl.nu/b1m9
  Replies (0) Good night (797) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.

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  (514): Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance. http://tfl.nu/bud1
  Replies (4) Good night (1236) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.

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  (512): Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway. http://tfl.nu/39nz
  Replies (1) Good night (587) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah

  (772): View more from Florida

  I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.

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  (614): My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah (772): I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade. http://tfl.nu/tvrh
  Replies (2) Good night (614) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time

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  (859): Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time http://tfl.nu/a2fb
  Replies (5) Good night (710) Bad night (269)

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