laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night