The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
