A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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