I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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