Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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