Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
