I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
