My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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