somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
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We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
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Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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