Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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