I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My dick has a subreddit
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
