You can't motorboat a personality
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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