I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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