got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
