maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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