Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
