what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
operation have a gay friend backfired
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
