Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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