I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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