she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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