guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
