My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
