toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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