If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize