My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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