Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
