if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
