I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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