I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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