How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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