ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How naked do you want me to be?
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