there's paper in my vomit.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
