he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
that's an acceptable place to lick
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
